THESE ARE TE WORST JOKES I CAN THINK OF. IF ANYONE HAS WORSE, POST THEM UP ON CBOX ON MY HOME PAGE AND THEY WILL RECEIVE A PLACE OF HONOUR ON THIS PAGE WITH FULL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF YOUR CRAP SENSE OF HUMOUR - NAME, ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, E-MAIL, THE LOT
What if your tyres were made of this ?
Artwork copyright by Brom. Used with permissions
NEWSFLASH
IT HAS BEEN REPORTED THAT THE LATEST CRAZE AMONG DRINKERS IS TO FILL A PUSSY WITH VODKA AND DRINK IT .
THE MEDICAL PROFFESSION HAS ISSUED A WARNING ABOUT THE DANGERS OF MINGE DRINKING.
Shite Jokes Here
Mince Pie
Man goes to doctor. 'Hey, Doc, I think I've a mince pie up my arse !'
Doc has a gander. 'Indeed you have. Would you like some cream for that ?'
Football
Brazil plays Engerland in a friendly. Brazilians all get pissed as newts the night before except Ronaldo. So only Ronaldo plays. The score at half-time is 1 - 0 to Brazil. At full-time it's a draw - 1 - 1. Ronaldo meets up with the lads after and says 'Sorry I did'nt win.'
Lads tell him not to worry, a draw was good result. Ronaldo says ' Yes, but I got sent off before half-time.'
Cats
1st biker : ' Know what I saw last night ? A cat under a bush digging a hole, shitting in it and then covering it up. Is'nt that amazing ?'
2nd. biker : ' Will you fuck off outa dat ! That's the way cats always shite.'
1st. biker : ' Do they always use a shovel ?'
Another shite joke:
Blow-up doll
Biker buys a blow-up doll. It keeps going down on him.
More shite jokes
What did the biker say when he saw four elephants coming over the hill ?
Here comes four elephants.
How do you get four elephants into a mini ? ( No, MINI car you fucking moron ! )
Two in the front, two in the back.
What’s the difference between an elephant and a post box ?
You don’t know ? I won’t send you to post a letter.
ABSOLUTELY shite jokes :
Hanging Out The Washing
Two aul wans chatting over the back fence :
Jasus, Assumpta, how’d ye manage to always hang out yer washing at the right time ? Ye never get it wrong.
Well, Concepta, when I wake up in de morning, I pull back the sheets and if the aul fella’s aul fella is hanging to the right, it’s gonna be fine, so I do de washin. If it’s to the left, I know it’s gonna rain.
Fuck me, Assumpta, dat’s only brill. But wot happens if it’s standing up straight ?
For fuck’s sake, Concepta, sure dere’d be no washin’ dun dat day.
Quack
Two ducks walking through Belfast.
The first one says : “Quack, quack.“
The other says “ I’m goin’ as quack as I can !“
Some very old shite Mammy jokes:
Mammy, Mammy, can I play with Granny ?
No, you’ve dug her up three times already this week !
Mammy, Mammy, Johnny’s going round in circles !
Well, nail his other foot to the floor.
Mammy, Mammy, can I lick the bowl ?
No, just flush it like everyone else.
Mammy, Mammy, Johnny’s going out !
Well, pour more petrol on him.
And not a Mammy joke ( but just as shite ):
Young Fella starts work with mechanic.
Mech : “ hand me dat screwdriver. “
Young Fella : “ Me Da has two of dose. “
Mech : “ Get me dat spanner. “
Young Fella : “ Jasus, me Da has two of dose. “
Mech : “ Gis dat hammer. “
Young Fella : “ For fuck’s sake, me Da has two of dose.”
And so it goes, all day long. At end of shift, mechanic is royally fucked off. Two of them are having a piss. Mechanic grins and turns to the Young Fella and shows his dick and says :“
Bet your Da has’nt got TWO of these. “
Young Fella sniggers and says : “ No, but he’s got ONE dat would make TWO of dat.”
And the ultimate ( for now ) of shite jokes:
Slapper says to bloke : “ Do you smoke after sex ? “
Bloke says : “ Don’t know, I never looked. “
The Cable Dump :
Long, curly and perfectly formed, it loops lazily around the bowl like a two foot sleeping snake. You stare at it in amazement and think “ Did I do that ? Where did it come from ? “ You leave the bathroom chuffed to fuck with yourself and call the wife and kids to have a look.
The Cling-On Dump :
You’ve finish a good shit….or have you ? What’s that pulling at the hairs of your arse ? Oh no, it can’t be a …..YES ! IT’S A CLING-ON !! And to make matters worse you’re in the pub. And there’s a queue. What do you do ? Drunk as skunk, you yell “ ANYONE GOT A SCISSORS ? “
The Houdini Dump :
So, you’ve just enjoyed a really great shit. You stand up and look into the bowl to admire your handiwork. But its not there…gone, disappeared, vanished. What happened ? Did you smoke too much blow ? Did someone slip you LSD ? Where is it gone ? You KNOW you dumped, after all, it took a good 10 minutes to get rid of it . But its not there.
So what do you do ? Do you believe the evidence of your eyes and try again ? Do you wipe your arse just in case ? Do you feel around and have a sniff ? Do you flush ?
One thing is certain.. you had better flush ‘cos as sure as night follows day, the little bastard will poke its head up and grin as soon as the next shitter arrives. And YOU will look like a dirty bollix.
